Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Addiction, Friend or Foe

I have been thinking about addiction.  This is such a powerful word these days.  There are so many things that you can be addicted to, its mind bogging. Here is a though for you, how do you give up one addiction, without becoming addicted to something else? 

If you give up smoking cigarettes, you eat, thus becoming addicted to food. You no longer crave nicotine, but now you crave, Twinkies. Now that you are twenty pounds heavier, and you still cant breath, because the weight you put on, you go to the gym. Now you are a Zumba junkie. You have to go at least three times a week, and so on and so forth.....  Where does the vicious cycle end?

Now that the gym don't fulfill you like it use to, you turn to your old stand by, shopping!! I know people who shop because they have nothing better to do with their time. I shop mostly of necessity, but I love a good free for all sometimes. Then when you have too much stuff, they call you a hoarder. So on and so forth..... no end in sight.

Now that you have too much stuff, you are fat free, nicotine free, food free, and broke, you turn to the last thing that is still legal, sex. If you have a spouse, they will get sick of you. Boyfriends will leave you, your wife, yeah she is going to put sleeping pills in your food and hide the Viagra. Spouses will sleep on the couch just to get away from you. Next thing you know you have a life time membership to AdamandEve. com.  We are reaching desperation at this point.

No matter what you are addicted too, there's a pill for it. Then you become a pill addict. Then you have to go to rehab and start smoking all over again to beat the withdrawals you are going to have. Circle complete.  

I have to quit smoking, and I am losing weight. I am so afraid that if I quit smoking, I will want to eat. I thought about other things I could do besides smoke and eat. I came up with a short list,  so here goes, please feel free to laugh if you do this.

1. 10 jumping jacks
2. Wash your dishes, even if they are clean.
3. Start going through your cloths, now that you are a hoarder.
4. Read an article on how to stop hoarding.
5. Send a dirty text to your spouse or other half. (done this one)
6. Walk outside and scream at the top of your lungs.(cough up one from all the smoking you did)
7. Drink a glass of water.(then piss like a race horse later, kills another craving, two birds, one stone)
8. Gum or mints, you need to put something in your mouth besides a cigarette.(get your mind out of my gutter, I'm already there)
9. Empty out your junk drawer.(you might find a cigarette hidden there, and it will taste nasty)
10. Go for a walk, clear your head, get some exercise and breath fresh air. (no sarcasm needed here, its a good idea)

No matter what you think you are addicted to, there is always another addiction waiting to take its place. If you give up coffee, don't replace it with Pepsi. If you give up cookies, don't replace it with potato chips.  Just remember, if you cant laugh at yourself, Laugh at me, everyone else does.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

I had a rare day today, I was home by myself most of the day. Now when you have all this time on your hands, you think about things. You think about your life, what you have and don't have, before and after.  I have been hanging out with my best friend a lot lately, it got my thinking about how I am now and how I was 15 yrs ago.  Here are just some thoughts about this.

The Before: F.I.N.E,  fucked up, insecure, neurotic, and emotional. It comes from an Aerosmith song from the album Pump. My brain was in overload, raising kids, working my ass off, trying to have a social life.  I had some help, but not the support I needed. Needless to say I was a mess. With all messes, you have to clean it up.  I was a lousy house keeper back then, and I am not talking about my home. (my house could have used some help too) I was on a sinking ship and no rescue in sight. I had no choice but to drop ten yards and punt. Fly by the seat of my pants, take the hard road. How ever you want to put it. Easier said than done.  Where the hell was Aderall when I needed it? I had too many kids, too many bills, too many jobs, too little money, and no time for anything. What was a girl to do?  Just when I thought I was heading in the right direction, Blam, I would get hit in the face, shit I was rolled over by a truck, OKAY???????  I went a little nuts, Okay?  

The After: Not much has changed as far as working, and my house work. I have a husband for that.  He makes such a good wife. Oh and the kids have all moved out. I don't get hit by trucks anymore, I push my husband if front of them now. I'm still a bit nuts, but that is by choice now.  I like my music, I am an automotive diva when I am driving, and not as much road rage.  I don't expect too much, so I am never disappointed, saves time. I assume everyone is an asshole until they prove otherwise. This way I can hate them right from the start, so no disappointment. See the patterned developing here. Instead of yelling at someone I am pissed at, I just smile at them. It kinda makes people nervous when they don't know what that smirk is.  That's the fun part. When you get to the point, that if you assume you will be disappointed, you will be surprised when something good happens, Bonus!!!! It works for me.  

In the Middle:  Somewhere along the line, I lost what was left of my mind, and most of my family. I still had the kids but, things went south, to Florida. I came back, met my husband, moved back to Florida. yada yada yada.  You get the picture. Life was, shall we say, a bit of a challenge...... Okay dammit, I felt like a rat in a maze, and I didn't want the fucking cheese, I wanted out of the maze. Okay, now that I have laughed at myself, Please, Laugh at me everyone else does.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

They Don't Hire Old People

Ever since I lost my job back in November, I have been on a quest to find the right job for me.  I have applied to numerous places to no avail. Due to the current economy, and lack of jobs in my area, I got to thinking about why it is so hard for me to find a job. 

I have a pleasant personality, I am a hard worker, like people(most of the time) Pretty much have a happy go lucky attitude. I can rock an interview, tell them everything they want to hear, but employment has eluded me. So what is it that make me unemployable? Then it hit me like a ton of Depends.  They don't hire old people.

I would like to go back into the restaurant business, love to wait on tables and talk to people, but you cant bounce a quarter off my ass or stomach. All they see is someone that has to run to the bathroom every 30 minutes. (not saying me,but...) 35 years of experience does not go very far if you don't look young.  Not a size 4 anymore, and this day and age, if you are not a size 2, you are fat. Strike One.

I have skills with a computer, not up to date on all applications, but I can learn. Still, they see the age and "Sorry, we are not hiring right now" as the 25 year old, thin, attractive, bouncy and bubbly sweet girl with no work experience walks out with my job. I'm not bitter about this, just baffled a bit.(okay I might be a little bitter) Strike Two.

It seems the only job people my age are hired for is fast food and Walmart greeters. I could cashier somewhere, or become the lunch lady(skinny legs, mushroom top) Either way it is hard for someone my age to find a job.  Don't these people know that age is a matter of mind, if you don't have a mind, age don't matter.

Now being older has its advantages. All my children have grown up and moved out of my house. Hence, no need to hire a babysitter. I don't have to go to parent teacher conferences, no sick days, no phone calls to come get my kid. (My kids are going though that now with theirs) (right now I am laughing hysterically)  I don't have to find someone to take my kids if I need to go out of town for something.  I am a prime commodity to have, yet still no job.

I want to start and employment agency that only works with the older work force.  This way I will have a job and help other people my age find jobs. The pitch will be, Why hire a young person you have to train for 8 week when you can have an old person who you can train for 4 weeks, and most likely will die before you have to lay them off.  Only kidding.(kinda sorta) 

A job is a job, that's what I use to tell people when they bitch about their jobs. I am at the point were I am almost desperate to find a job.(I am bored out of my skull at this point)  I need to be around people other than my husband and mother-in-law, and if you ever have lived with your mother-in-law you know what I am talking about.(homicidal don't cover it) I love my kids but I don't want to hang with them. I would just end up hanging with the grandkids.(not a bad thing) 

So here is to my quest to find an employer that will see that hiring an older person will only benefit them. And if that don't work, I may end up in a life a crime. (white collar of course, I may be old, but I am not an idiot or have dementia)  To all you older people out there, it is time to unite and kick the young people out of our jobs. (or just kick their asses, experience has its advantages) 

Just remember folks, Laugh at me, everyone else does. TTFN 

Friday, April 20, 2012

How Drunk Do You Get?

Have you ever wondered where some of the sayings we use come from?  I was talking to a friend the other day and he said something about how drunk he was at 17 yrs old.  It got me thinking about all the saying there are about being drunk. Here's just a few that I found funny.
Knocked down, dragged out drunk.  Now if I really think about it. Some guy was so drunk, he was knocked down and dragged out by his feet. I would pay good money to see that happen.
Shit faced must have come from the south and cowboys. Some cowboy got so drunk, he fell face first into horseshit. Then the rest of the cowboys wouldn't let him live it down.  
Drunker than a skunk. Where the hell did this come from, I have no clue about this one. How drunk do skunks get? Just wondering.
Three sheets to the wind.  I have heard this one, but never really got it. Do you need to be hung out to dry with the sheets. 
Drank myself stupid. If you intended to get that drunk, you were already stupid. If you didn't plan it that way, your still stupid.
This one put me on the floor when my friend said it. Snot slinging, kamode hugging drunk.  Is that where you are so drunk you cant even blow your nose, and think the toilet is your lover?  
I drank myself straight. Does that mean that you were crooked to begin with, or you were having a sexual identity crisis?  That one can go either way. (yes the pun was intended)
Drinking her pretty.  If you are at the bar and you need to get that drunk to get laid, there is probably a good reason you are not getting laid sober. 
Piss drunk, do you smell like piss or have you had so much you have to piss, or did you just piss yourself.
So I was wondering, is it really necessary to get that drunk. Don't get me wrong, I have had my drunken moments, I am sure I have used one of those statements on occasion. Now that I am older and wiser when it comes to drinking, I have come to the conclusion, if you are going to get that drunk, as long as you are not driving and you are in the privacy of your own home. You can get as shit faced, snot slinging, kamode hugging, knocked down dragged out drunk as you want to be.  I will be getting drunk at least once this summer, sitting by the fire pit, with my hubby. And again, don't drink alcohol and drive, and Laugh at Me, Every One Else Does.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

If You Ask My Opinion, You Are Gonna Get It

I was sitting at home, minding my own business when I got a text from a friend. She asked me about this guy she has been dating. She told me the story and I told her what I thought.  Sometimes I just need to keep my mouth shut. Maybe I would have more friends. Now, if you ask me my opinion, I will ask you if you really want me to tell you. The thing is I will tell you, the good, the bad and the unexceptionally ugly.  I don't hold back, I don't pull punches, and I warn you of this.  My son asked my opinion once, and didn't speak to me for six months.  With that being said, here is my opinion on a few things, the good the bad and the extremely ugly. The best part, nobody asked me. NO HOLDS BARRED!!!!!  
I think all politicians should have to take a lie detector test. This would eliminate about 95% of the government. If you want to run for office, you will have to take the test. If you don't take the test, you cant run.  Then you have to take random lie detector test. (sound familiar)  If we have to take drug test to maintain employment, they should have to take the test to stay in office. I am so tired of being lied too, this would take care of it.(throw a drug test in for good measure)
To all the men out there, Women are inherently evil. If we want you to do something, we will twist and turn you until you cant tell which way is up, then we will slam you down. Once you are bloody and broken, we will tell you everything is fine, then make you sleep on the couch. (good place for you to lick your wounds) We have become for the lack of a better term, Sadist. And we like it.
To all the women out there, Men are gullible but not stupid. They will play along with the game until they cant take anymore. When that happens, they want to take control, and you let them.(to a point) I do want to say when they feel like they have the power,(or so they think) the sex becomes unbelievable. You get a cross between a mad man on a mission, and the sexy romantic in the romance novels.(okay a girl can dream cant she?) 
I don't give a flying rats ass if Snookie is pregnant. Does she even really know who the father is? I hate her almost as much as I hate Kim Kardashian. Why the hell do people care so much about spoiled rich ass bitches? They are handed everything, and people care why? I would like to meet both of them just so I can tell them in person how utterly stupid they really are.  If I had a DD size chest and money I didn't earn, yeah I might be the same as them. Have you ever watch Big Rich Texas?  These women are teaching their daughters how to be nasty, mean bitches. One girl is a drunk and her mother is okay with this. I would love to party with my daughter, but she has to work and so do I.  Must be nice.
Stop watching 16 and pregnant. I was a teen mom, where was my spot light? Unfortunately, I married the bastard that got me pregnant.  If you want to stop teens from having babies, give them condoms, put the girls on birth control.  You are not going to stop it, don't show it on T.V. don't glamorize it.  I would love to find the creator of that show, put them in a minimum wage job, saddle them with a kid and say you are on your own. WTF. 
Mitt Romney, go the fuck away. You twist the simplest thing into a political spin that people like me are just sick and tired of hearing. You want to do some good, donate all your money to the Salvation Army, then leave. How in the hell do you get away with all of the shit you say?  You are a Moron, oops I did it again, I mean Mormon. You should walk around with a roll of toilet paper, because it must be your ass talking, your mouth knows better. Get over the fact that you will not get elected. Even the speaker of the house John Boehner don't like you.  On top of everything he has a better tan than I do. Probably has a tanning bed on his bus that cost about $3000.00 to go from town to town. Get off my highway.
I am fat, get over it. I don't wear a size 0, I don't binge and purge, I don't eat tofu and I like steak.  I eat veggies and go to the gym. If you don't like the way I look, Dial 1-900-EAT-SHIT, this way you can pay me to tell me what you think about me. I understand that we are a fast food nation, I can make food fast at home. Do not tell me I cant have my vices. Well I have bored you enough with my rants.  

Disclaimer: This is only my opinion, and remember Laugh at me, Everyone else does.

Friday, February 17, 2012

On a More Serious Note

Every Friday night, my husband, my mother-in-law and myself sit down and have dinner together. We have a chance to catch up on stuff that happened during the week. Most times, we laugh and pick on each other. Not tonight.

I did a blog that jumped on the Catholic Church.  I believe that the church should stay out of politics. Mainly because I am a woman. I believe that women should be able to determine what is best for them.  I am afraid that if religion plays a part in our government, a lot of women and girls could be in serious trouble.

The whole debate over birth control has got me thinking. My mother-in-law thinks that we shouldn't have to pay for it, that we need more morals and less birth control. I agree with the morals, not the less birth control. This is always a slippery slope when you have two opposing opinions in the same house. She was raised as a Catholic, and she also was born in a era that didn't have what we have now. I was a teenage mother, my mother and father didn't talk about sex or birth control with me until it was too late.

My neighbor and my husband chimed in on this subject. My husband is in the middle, my neighbors opinion bordered on a civil rights removal.  With so many different opinions out there on the matter, who is right? How do you make the majority happy without offending the minority?

I personally would tell every kid in America,  Wait. Wait until you are married. Be a responsible adult before you become a parent. To girls, have respect for yourself. Your life is in your hands, think about the consequences before you give yourself away. Wait until you are old enough to except what happens. Fall in love first, and I don't mean at 18, I mean after you are out of school and doing what makes you happy first. To the boys, same thing. Fall in love, make life for yourself before you commit to someone else. Believe in yourself. 

Now for those who wont wait, don't be stupid about it. Protect yourself and the one your with. Show at least that much respect for yourself and them.  There is so much out there, you can never be sure. Talk to your parents, if you cant, call your local clinic. Get informed. The best prevention is abstinence, if that isn't enough, the second best prevention is being informed. 

To the parents of kids today, talk to your kids. Listen to your kids. Be involved in what they are doing, know where they are going.  Find out who they are and what their dreams are, and help them reach their goals. Tell them no every now and then. Tell them your hopes and dreams for them, even if its not the same as their dreams. Take pride in you kids. No matter who they turn out to be.

If you talk to your kids about consequences, don't throw your beliefs in there, give them the facts.  You have raised them with your beliefs. If you push, it could backfire. Get on the internet, get news articles, show them what could happen. Kids are a lot smarter then most people give the credit for. Inform them, but don't just show one side, show them all.  This way, no matter what they decide to do, you have armed them with knowledge. That is the greatest gift you can give your kids. 

To the politicians out there, have the courtesy to put the greater good before your beliefs or you political agenda. You are putting lives at risk.  All the time we spend fighting about this, a girl or a woman is dealing with the dilemma of having a baby, or getting rid of a baby. If you let the church decide what is considered in women's health care, you risk more than the vote of some, you risk the lives of many.

Just a note before I go.  I do believe in God.  God and I have an understanding, I talk, he listens, he understands. Never in the whole time I have spent talking to him, he has never told me what I can or cannot do. He leaves that up to me.  Take the time to consider all the possibilities. 

Everyone has a right to their opinion. This is just mine. Thanks for taking the time to read it.